the 30 second socializer: confidence in three steps

One of the most difficult elements when improving your social skills is building confidence. It can be easy to rattle off some pre-rehearsed line or story; it can be far trickier to believe you’re worthy of a beautiful girl’s attention in the first place. Self image and self confidence, or what some might call ‘inner game’ are paramount to your success with women, and life in general.

Over the last year or so, in the process of improving my own social skill set I’ve discovered three simple things that can help boost your confidence, and they’re easier than you think.

1. Exorcise Your Inner Dialogue Demons

When I used to pass a gorgeous girl on the street or in the club, my mind (and sometimes my mouth I’m sorry to admit) would always respond with a single word:

“Yikes.”

What did this do? For one thing, it automatically put my subconscious mind in a fearful frame. This is the opposite of where it needs to be in order to approach someone and begin a conversation. Your subconscious mind rules your decision making process. Your should be verbally encouraging it with upbeat, positive input.

The solution:

Now, when I find myself facing a beautiful stranger across the street or club I respond with a much more helpful word:

“Yummy.”

Nod Greg for his awesome alternate take on this. When he sees someone he likes, he repeats the following mantra:

“Now that’s the kind of girl I date.” Ballerinas of the world, look out!

2. Kiss And No Make Up

In many ways girls have a much easier time when it comes to making a good first impression. One huge reason? Make up. Minor (and sometimes MAJOR) imperfections can be airbrushed away with the right foundation and cover-up, making for a flawless appearance in the club that compounds the intimidation factor for men hoping to approach.

The solution:
When you see that stunning model type from across the bar, take a deep breath, and imagine her ‘the morning after’. No make up. In the light of day. In my experience, even the most stunning model looks REMARKABLY different without make up. Remembering that when you’re ready to approach is essential.

3. Shattering Self Consciousness

In the past, when I’d walk into a social setting I always believed all eyes were on me. This, at the time (before learning how to properly enter a room) was terrifying. It killed my body language, my mood, and certainly any chance of mingling with any beautiful women present. This self consciousness has been eased by examining my own perception of people in a club or social gathering.

Try this quick experiment. Think back to the last time you were at a club. How many people, other than the handful of girls you were attracted to, can you describe? If you’re like me, almost none. Why? You barely noticed them.

The solution:

When you’re out, keep in mind that the only people likely to notice you in any more than a fleeting way are those that are physically attracted to you. These are the very people you a) don’t have to fear being judged by, and b) you should be approaching. Now. Go on.

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