the 30 second socializer: a picture is worth 1000 words

On a recent Friday night, after sampling the fare at both the First Friday Art Walk and a great (albeit sloooow service) Ethiopian restaurant, Glenn and I found ourselves at one of our favorite clubs.  Before finishing my first PBR, I was chatting with a fetching young woman in black.  The conversation was casual, and her smile showed signs of enjoying the interaction.  Still, I found myself cutting it short.

Why?  Easy.  In my mind she was “the most beautiful girl I’d seen in ages”.  This put an enormous amount of pressure on the exchange for me, and I found it difficult to convey my (cough cough) winning personality.

The following week, I was perusing the pics at Denver2Night and saw her.  She WAS cute.  Adorable even.  But I didn’t understand why I’d been so intimidated at the club.  I should have seen the conversation through to completion, left with her number, and brought this charming girl into my life.

I think in a bar/club setting, with the lights flashing, and the music pumping, it’s easy to get caught up in the dreamlike environment and put girls onto pedestals it can be impossible for us to reach.  This can be compounded when alcohol is introduced to the equation.

In an earlier post, I talked about ways to increase your confidence.  I’d like to suggest one more technique to overcome fear.

Find a nightlife photo site for your city (where pictures from local clubs and bars are posted).  Figure out where they’re going to be on a particular night (if they don’t post this, email the webmaster; they’re usually happy to help) and go there.  Soak up the sights.  Socialize, or not.  This is an experiment.  The main thing I want you to do is make careful mental notes of the hottest women in the room.

The following week; look at the pictures.  Most likely some, if not all of the women you checked out will be featured.  Are they as beautiful and or intimidating as you remember?  Probably not.  Remember this the next time you’re frozen with fear at the thought of approaching someone new.

One final tip; bring your own camera.  Greg and I used to do this all the time, trying to get a picture of every group we talked to.  Reviewing the pics later was often eye opening, from a perception perspective.

Some sites to try: (depending on your city; if your town isn’t listed, just google ‘chicago nightlife photos’ or whatever)

Denver2Night

MixLiving

NapkinNights

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