For the common the man, the post coital repertoire is often comprised of leaving the room immediately, tossing a towel at her, and/or rolling over and falling asleep.  This leaves the fairer sex constantly searching for deeper intimacy.  This week in the sex column, we’re taking a look at the art of cuddling.

A Good Reason to Cuddle

A recent survey was conducted by sex and intimacy expert, Dr Laura Berman, evaluating emotional intimacy in 2,000 American couples.  While sex is the biggest factor in predicting intimacy levels, couples who cuddle and kiss outside of the bedroom had significantly less stress and stronger emotional connections.

Purpose of Cuddling

Cuddling is about showing appreciation for your partner.  It is a nurturing, communicative act, that while it may happen before or after sex, it may also exist completely on it’s own.  It’s not just about sex, it’s about love, affection, tenderness, and support for your partner.  It is a physical language, which allows you to communicate through your body, without words, intentions and feelings.

The sense of touch and the act of being touched are both essential to the human condition.  Touching the body awakens the senses, leading in the direction of sensuality.  After all, senses only work by being stimulated.  The act of touching also discourages negative body images. When we touch and are touched we become more comfortable with our bodies and our partners.

Methods of Cuddling

There are two general themes in cuddling, sexual and non-sexual.  A sexual cuddle awakens the senses and starts a connection with your partner.  The body is slowly warmed up and physical intimacy gently escalates.  This is done by shifting the focus to secondary erogenous zones like the neck, ears, fingers and toes, and of course areas like the inner thighs, buttocks, and breasts.  Gently kneading and softly caressing these areas simultaneously builds both emotional and sexual intimacy.

Cuddling can also be a physically intimate act with out engaging in intercourse.  This form of contact comes from touching areas that are non-sexual.  This communicates the feeling of closeness, without the feeling of sexual desire.  When cuddling in a non-sexual way, think of cuddling a child.  Kissing the cheek, touching the arm, or running your fingers through their hair are all appropriate.  Gentle massages and soft strokes let your lover know you appreciate them without the sex.

The key to all cuddling lies in the connection between your mind and your body.  By letting your emotions and feelings run congruent with your physical nature, you will easily demonstrate affection for your loved one.

Cuddling and Sleeping

Cuddling while falling asleep is not the answer for everyone.  Sometimes pure body mechanics makes this uncomfortable for both parties.  This doesn’t rule out cuddling completely though.  Just because you sleep on separate halves of the bed does not mean you can’t cuddle for a few minutes before you are ready to fall asleep.  Just communicate to your partner that, for the time being, while you are sleeping apart you still want to cuddle before.

Lastly, if after reading this article you are overly excited to cuddle but don’t have a partner, you can always attend a cuddle party.

Greg is an urban monarch contributor who cuddles hard and often, unless drunk or extra sleepy.