42 Responses to “How to Become a Regular”  

1. 1 cash on Jul 31st, 2006 said:

   This one alone can earn some major points: Turn off your cell phone while dining.

   With fellow diners too. Great post. Where is the picture from?

2. 2 greg cerveny on Jul 31st, 2006 said:

   A really cool restaurant in Malaysia.

3. 3 bishop on Aug 13th, 2006 said:

   Does point-12 mean, by ‘dinner hour’, that 8pm is the dinner hour? Also, does your software allow you to proof and fix grammar errors in an article?

4. 4 Gumbah on Aug 13th, 2006 said:

   What is the name of the restaurant? I am in Malaysia at the moment and i would like to check it out.

5. 5 Jordan on Aug 13th, 2006 said:

   As a former bartender at a long-standing upscale continental cuisine restaurant, there’s one thing I’d recommend to everyone who waits at the bar for their table (if there is one): tip the bartender! I can’t tell you how many times the schmucks who clearly have no money came in and took their tab to their table without tipping me. I thought they were morons. While I always treated them professionally, they never got any special service from me. People who tipped at least 10% on what they were drinking, even if they took the tab to the table, always got my best service the next time around and while they were seated for this time around.

   Also, with the tip about offering the wine to your waiter: this may just have been our restaurant, but none of the servers would have been caught dead saying yes to that kind of offer. Our owner would have killed us. But offering in a different way, by leaving a small portion in the bottle and making a note to tell the server they are welcome to the final tasting, would have been acceptable.

   Great advice overall!

6. 6 joseph on Aug 13th, 2006 said:

   SInce I have worked in the service industry for many years I can tell this. Tipping 20% and expecting all of these so-called “benefits” of being a regular is ridiculous. If you want off-menu items, discounts, or any kind of “hookups”. Simply do this: be friendly. Don’t go into a restaurant already knowing what percentage you are going to tip. (for example, if you sit at the bar for an hour and you tab is only 10 dollars. A two dollar tip is pathetic and will not get you special treatment.) Know that your attitude can greatly affect the service you receive. Don’t forget that these servers and bartender see possibly hundreds of people a day, many of which have bad attitudes. Servers are more willing to oblige a kind person than a pushy one (duh). Finally…TIP!! we aren’t there because we love our jobs. We aren’t there because we love serving people iced teas and coffee. And, unfortunately, we cannot pay rent with kind words. So just because you are the nicest guest ever doesn’t mean you can be a penny pincher when its time to pay the bill.

7. 7 Matthew on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

   Really, if you need to be told to say “Please” and “Thank You” then you should be eating in a trough, not at a table. There’s no excuse for nopt having good manners, whether you’re trying to get “in” with the restaurant as a regular or not.

   I can’t believe that common sense and good manners has been turned into an article, TBH. I guess there’s a few things in here that someone might not have thought of but it’s all a bit tenuous. The thing about asking the waiting staff to taste the wine is ridiculous - The whole concept of the customer tasting the wine is to make sure that it is not corked and that it’s acceptable to them. In a swank restaurant with a real somelier then you could ask them to taste it for you but they’d probably view that with disdain anyway.

   I’m from England, and travel a lot. I have noticed that in many countries people treat waiting staff like servants, including lots of people from my own country (we can be amongst the rudest on the planet without breaking a sweat). Of everyone, Italians appear to have the most trouble leaving their ‘phone off in a restaurant (maddening) and the French seem to be the least enclined to say “Merci” when their food arrives. The Brits seem to be just generally rude.

   Finally - This whole tipping thing. I tip well (20%) wherever I go, which is not what most of my fellow countrymen do, but tipping bartenders is like tipping a Mc Donald’s server. Why don’\t we tip them? They work for less money and have to wear a rotten outfit to boot.

   I once got yelled at by the bartender at the Phoenix in SF. I waited by the pool for the waitress, who didn’t come, so after 15 minutes I went into the bar and ordered the drinks myself. 2 Beers. The bartender took 2 from the fridge, popped the caps and that was the sum total of his effort. Why then should I pay extra for that? I just don’t get it! Who decides which particular kind of employee gets a tip and who deosn’t? I mean why the bartender, but not the man who collects the trash, or the toilet cleaner? If you are a bartender then why should you be tipped for just doing your job? I don’t get tipped for doing my job, whether I dfo it well or badly - What makes someone serving booze so special?

   I will tip a bartender or offer them a drink if they’ve been really helpful, always looked after me - Generally been spot on, but most aren’t so I’m not about to be guilted into it. I know the whole thing about low pay and that in the US the government apparently skew the tip thing with regard to tax, but in all honesty if you don’t like the job then get another, you know? If bartending is the only job you can do, then how is that my responsibility? I don’t begrudge someone a living, but I certainly begrudge the expectation of me paying more than the cost of the bill irrespective of how well the do their job.

   Rant over, flame suit on.

8. 8 Rick Stirling on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

   Pretty much everything said here works - we’ve not followed these rules intentionally, as they seem to be common sense. Of you do like a restaurant, you will visit it often, and you will be tipping for the good food and service. You will be taking other people and telling everyone how good it is.

   We regularly get free dessert and 10-20% knocked off the bill at a fantastic Indian restaurant, but that’s not important-we’d be going to it anyway.

9. 9 Ivan Minic on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

   Great collection of tips.. I really don’t think you missed anything

10. 10 NotRocketScience on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    Why do you give waitstaff wine? That seems tacky to me… if the restaurant owner wants his waitstaff to be familiar with the wine selection, then he should be giving samples to the staff.

    I’m not an opulent tipper, but I treat waitstaff with respect and kindness. But I expect the same respect. If I’m treated poorly by some jerk bartender who expects a $5 tip on a $10 tab — I’m not going to be a regular — I’ll be taking my business to another place! (there are of course, exceptions, particularly if the bartender goes out of his way to do something out of the ordinary)

11. 11 JC on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    Working at a corporate restaurant for several years it is important to understand that “hooking people up” without the direct, specific consent of a manager is, to me, stealing. People come in all the time asking (or expecting) special treatment. If your food is off, service is slow, etc. I will go out of my way to make sure you have the item taken off the bill, a free desert, gift certificate. If, however the meal goes off with a hitch I feel my service should be enough to garner an acceptable tip. When good friends come in if I want to get them something I either ask my manager or pay for it out of pocket. Now, smaller restaurants are different. I do not miss the importance of giving certain things away; makes clients happy, earning their repeat business, is essential.

    Nothing bothers me more than rude people. In addition to a good tip just be a nice person. I am less inclined to hustle for people that treat me like their personal whipping boy.

12. 12 Tressor Pieschacon on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    I agree with Matthew about tipping. This issue is totally out of control in the U.S…. it has turned into a social obligation for patrons to “tip well”. I once had a waitress chase me out to the parking lot because she thought the tip I left was too low. What’s up with that?

    By definition a tip is an extra amount that a diner leaves the waiter for special service. By definition a tip is voluntary. Wait staff should not act like tipping is an obligation of the customer, much less provide only good service to ‘good tippers’ . Good service is your OBLIGATION, it’s your job, regardless of tip.

    Give awesome service and you’ll get awesome tips… that’s how the cycle works, not the other way around.

13. 13 sybil on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    I think that one thing does need to be clarified: Just because you go someplace a lot, does not earn you benefits. You MUST be respectful and friendly to the bar and wait staff. You MUST tip above and beyond the standard 15 -20 percent. You MUST NOT expect anything more than good service, good food and to pay for everything that you order. As a service professional of many years, once a “regular” expects something for free and particularly if he/she/they ASK for it, then, well… they stop getting any of it. It’s important to remember that most bartenders and servers are bound by their managements’ rules on comps. The thing is, if there is a place that you like the food, the service and the people… just keep going there and treating the people and the place right. You might get a treat now and again, but more importantly, you’ll have a place where you can count on having a good time.

14. 14 dude on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    I worked in an upscale restaurant through my teen years and my God man you need help…

    in fact you have some serious problems!
    get a girl friend, get a wife, get kids…

    You are one insecure individual … and may be sick…

    f* the “Benefits” dude think of the “Disadvantages” (if you can), and in “How to become a regular” you forgot to list “blow the [server] while waiting for your food.”

    “Also bringing Christmas presents (ohhh and inquire if they are Christian or not or their religion) so you could bring presents to restaurant staff at appropriate times of the year…”

    Ohhh and offer the [server] a bit of taste of your food too..

    don’t make family at the restaurant, make family at home…

    these people are there not because they want to be there, this is a very hard job, they do not want to know anyone there, they do not want to do it, they do not want to make friends and buddies that they _serve_, they are there to make a very hard living - make money for rent and food… they do not want to be your buddy, they will not care much if you die - except for the fact that the business and the tip has disappeared…

15. 15 james on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    Great advice

16. 16 tiki on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    I’ve read all comments so far and everyone seems to miss one underlying fact.

    The reason people expect a proper tip (15-20%) is most restuarants don’t pay the waitstaff very much. In FL, the wage is $3.38/hr — thats half of minimum wage… Owners expect patrons to pick up their slack.
    In the end, don’t blame the server because the owners have a death grip on their margins

    As far as the hook-up goes… Yes anything you don’t pay for is stealing.
    On that note if you end up with a ‘mistakes’ or a manager comps something be greatful and throw a little extra green love towards your bartender/server.

    And for those of you that are ‘regulars’…
    Don’t expect a hook-up every visit — it’s annoying and you will quickly become ‘that guy’
    Whatever it is you do for a living offer that in fair trade it may come in handy.
    Many people bartend/serve to pay bills while they chase their personal dreams (eg. colege degrees, actors, musicians…) — Your trade may help

17. 17 Jordan on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    Re: Tipping bartenders. There are two main reasons why you tip a bartender and not a McDonald’s counter-monkey:

    1. Bartending is a learned skill. Yes, I realize that in one of the examples above all you got handed to you was a beer. Fine, you don’t want to tip in that situation, you can look like an asshole and still walk away with your foolish impunity. But when you order two chocolate martinis for your whorish girlfriend and her petty sidekick, and you try to impress with your Gray Goose martini with a twist, don’t be surprised if I pour you a glass full of shite the third round you don’t leave me a few bucks. All that’s required at McD’s to serve anyone is pushing a few buttons and moving items from one location to another. To serve a well-made martini requires the knowledge of product (”Gin or vodka? Never had one? Try vodka, it’s smoother for newbies…”), knowledge of ingredients (”No one puts vermouth in vodka martinis these days, but I’ll do it if you want…”), and knowledge of preparation (”Listen, James, we don’t stir martinis in the U.S. We chill them. So take it how I make it and trust that you’ll enjoy it — I’m the one with the education in drinks here.”). Grab Johnny Minwage and dump him in your favorite local bar and see if he can do that for you. Also see if he can rattle off the ingredients in 50 shooters off the top of his head.

    2. The entertainment factor. Bartenders are not just about making drinks — especially in restaurants. You don’t sit at the counter and shoot the shit with your local McDonald’s idiots. But at a nice restaurant, many customers eat exclusively at the bar, or frequent it both before and after (and sometimes during) their meal to smoke or just mingle. A bartender must have some semblance of social skills, but must also be able to serve drinks to both the servers and their own guests in a timely fashion.

    Seeing folks trying to justify not tipping a bartender makes me ill. They’re a jack of all trades, and bartending requires at least an equivocable, if not higher, level of skills than servers.

18. 18 Chris Coyier on Aug 14th, 2006 said:

    I enjoyed the article, but I think it was meant to be titled “How To Become A Likeable Regular”. I have bartended for years and years, and believe me, there are regulars who don’t follow a single one of these rules except for the first one.

19. 19 Tinyhands on Aug 15th, 2006 said:

    One suggestion you missed is to give up all hope of being treated “special” at the hip/trendy places in town. What’s trendy today will be passé tomorrow so don’t even bother with those. At McDonald’s you’re little more than a number, but at the so-called “hot” place in town you’re little more than a credit-card number.

    For example: The hands-down, perennial favorite, all-time, best sushi restaurant in Houston (and yes, I’ve been to the hip ones as well) is in an unassuming strip-center and has a very relaxed dress-code (but it ain’t cheap). It’s owned and run by a family and they treat their customers like family, not something you’ll ever find from some disaffected 20-something waiter who has been COACHED (yes, they do that) to treat you like a peasant, begging for more breadsticks like Oliver Twist for more porridge.

20. 20 William on Aug 15th, 2006 said:

    Matthew, if that’s how you feel about bartenders, I encourage you not to tip. If nothing else, it will give me a great deal of pleasure to watch you stand thirsty and bereft while the bartenders ignore you in favor of civilized patrons.

    US Waitresses and bartenders in particular are paid a pittance in salary because tips are an expected part of their wage. If you don’t tip them, you are in effect docking their pay. That’s fine if you want to send a message, but you’d better be damned sure that’s your intent.

    If all you are doing is ordering beer in a can and then sulking in front of the TV, it’s true that the bartender could be replaced by a vending machine. Maybe you could look into opening a place like that, as I’m annoyed when people like that clutter up places I like. But when I go out, it’s to places where the bartender mixes drinks, serves the customers, and keeps the atmosphere one where we like to spend time.
    I tip to show appreciation for the job somebody does.

    Perhaps the problem is that you spend too much time in hotels? Hotel bars, restaurants, and shops are generally not actual bars, restaurants, or shops. Because they have an unending supply of tired, lazy, or timid hotel guests to prey on, they can leave out things that are vital to real establishments. Things like quality, service, atmosphere, and reasonable prices. If that’s where you’re spending your time, it’s no wonder that the custom wouldn’t make much sense.

21. 21 Matt on Aug 15th, 2006 said:

    I’m in Canada and people are usually pretty good about tipping, what I hate to see is when it’s a busy bar and they have a roving bus boy going and grabbing empty glasses/bottles and (until recently) emptying ashtrays, very few people thank them in ANY way. You show them respect and they are far more likely to remember you and treat you like a regular than the skilled tradesman behind the bar handing out “spillage” to the hoochies

22. 22 magedogtag on Aug 17th, 2006 said:

    well done article. most of it is common sense. mind you, the please and thank you’s even on your first time in a midscale establishment can be quite effective. and, in a midscale establishment, that means please and thank you to everyone who gives you service, the host/hostess, waiter/waitress, bartender, busboy/girl, even the guy who’s job you aren’t sure of but he’s doing it apparently for your benefit, means a much better overall experience.

    i’d like to add- if the opportunity presents itself, not that it will most of the time but just in case, you should mention your appreciation of the employees that have stood out in your mind to the manager of any establishment. this may seem a bit silly, but not all managers know how well all of their employees do their job.

    as to the mope with the disaffected position that no one in the service industry likes their job or any recognition they may get for doing it well, i can only say, “shut up, twit.” everyone likes to be treated with respect and recognized in one way or another. so the only thing that fool, “dude” i believe he called himself, can do to rectify the social wrongs done to him is to contact every patron he ever had and tell them to “f-off and here’s your damn tip back!” not likely he will though. after all, said social wrongs did add to his bank account on one or more occasions and to return those sums just to rectify an indignity would be quite expensive and be below such an honest, upstanding helpful, experienced, stupid bastard as he.

23. 23 buh on Dec 2nd, 2006 said:

    how to become a regular.

    …um… go there regularly?

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