great questions for a first date
April 10, 2007 by Cash
If there’s one thing that never fails to surprise and amuse me, it’s hearing guys ask girls what I call “The Terrible Three” questions during let’s say, the first 30 minutes of conversation.
In no particular order, these would be:
- What’s your name?
- Where are you from?
- What do you do?
More boring, pointless, and tiresome, they could not be.
Avoiding these ‘logical question traps’ keeps the person engaged in the interaction by turning off their ‘autoresponse’ mechanism that’s used to field such frequently asked items. It also helps maintain a bit of mystery, which is a very seductive thing indeed.
On a first date (or ‘day 2′ as some of you may call it) however, it’s even more important to keep the interaction interesting and fun.
I came across a good article to get you started in this regard, featuring 7 questions that for the most part are routed in NLP (and attempt to lead the person answering them into a positive state of mind). Good stuff indeed.
Just one example;
5. Whats the one thing you cant say no to?
This is a good way to find out something they really enjoy, it could be chocolate, it could be fresh orange juice.It should make their eyes light up. You can then describe how good it is to eat that chocolate or drink that fresh orange juice and watch how you can lead them into a desiring state.
Read the whole list here.
Technorati Tags: pua, pick up artist, nlp, neuro linguistic programming, hypnosis, better conversation, conversation technique, dating, singles, relationships
I know someone with a Kitchen Aide Mixer… It’s real nice.
I could not agree more that guys should never ask those questions when first talking to someone. Those are red flags that this guy is hitting on you and to me, one of the most successful ways to pick up a person is to make it seem like you’re not even hitting on them in the first place. There was this guy I dated and I could tell he was interested, but our conversations and our interaction was not your typical boring “So what do you do for a living?” questions. It’s actually quite irritating to me when guys ask those boring questions. Save those questions after you’ve number closed or gone on a date.
Right on Raquel. I definitely think it makes your intentions pretty clear, almost as much as the truly dreadful “Can I buy you a drink?”.
A friend of mine who came from a family of psychologists had a set of 5 questions that she would ask on a first date sort of thing. I’m sure you’ve heard them before. what your answers say about you can also be interesting for the 2 of you to contemplate.
1. what’s your favorite animal and why?
2. What’s your 2nd favorite animal n why?
3. Use some words to describe what you think of when i say “white walls”.
4. Use some words to describe what you think of when i say “Green Forest”.
5. What’s the first thing you think of when i say “coffee?”
what they mean:
1. the words you use to describe this animal are what you look for in a relationship
2. this is how you view yourself.
3. the word you use show what you think of death. positive words - accepting, negative words - fear death
4. words you use to describe how you go through/feel about life
5. this describes your views on sex.
don’t know how valid this is for a test, but it’s entertaining, especitally if for 3 people say “tires”, of for 5 they say “can i have tea instead?”
There’s this book I just borrowed from someone that gives you different scenarios and questions to answer. Your answers are supposed to show you a little bit about yourself; stuff you may not have known or acknowledged. It’s a quick read and I’m pretty sure would provide anyone with plenty of questions to ask your date that wouldn’t bore them to death and would probably evoke more interest in you for coming up with these different questions. Check out the book here.
Good one Goat. As for that book Raquel, it’s rock solid.
Here’s the problem I run into…
Girls start asking me those questions.
What’s wrong with that? That means she wants to get to know you better
THAT’S A GOOD THING!
I think that it’s perfectly fine to ask these questions as long as you do it in the right way. Of course, if “What do you do” is your plan for attracting a girl, you’re going nowhere. But, suppose you’re at a point in the conversation where she gives you nothing to vibe off. In this situation, asking a generic question like this can give you more material to vibe off, to create a conversation that will attract her.
I favor generic questions over psychology games to re-start conversations when you have nothing to vibe off. This is because the psychology games come off as tryhard an entertaining. Where else, while the generic questions don’t do anything for you, they can open up other avenues of conversation without actively fucking you up.
So…is it good to ask these questions all the time, or when you have better stuff to talk about? No. But, when you have nothing to vibe off, there’s nothing wrong with asking a generic question to give you some better conversational material.
-Dan
…until she finds out how many outstanding restraining orders are out against him.
Dan; In case of emergencies like you describe, where you’ve run out of things to vibe on, I think it can work to make an assuming statement (nod Mystery) rather than ask a question. I.e. “I bet you’re the youngest in your family.”
Raquel; I totally agree with you on this. If a girl asks YOU these questions, by all means answer them, it probably does show some interest on her part. The challenge then, and what will set you apart is NOT mirroring those same questions right back to her, but moving onto a more interesting topic.
Excellent post Cash. I am planning on quite a few first dates in the next couple of weeks so this comes in handy. And I will look into that book Raquel suggested too. Can’t hurt to have a few topics/questions in your back pocket for that awkward time after sex before you kick them out. Ha!! Just kidding.
Glad you enjoyed, Jillian. Go get em, tigress
Rowr!
These responses are why it is so painful to date some women. “What’s the first thing you think when someone says “coffee” describes what you thinks of sex?! Are you stupid goat? Women can be losers too and Goat was definitely a loser! Relationships would be easier and more exiting if women would step down their pedestal and participate in the conversation! Get a f****ing life losers!