Fashion for Geeks: Why bother?
August 3, 2006 by Glenn
This is the first in a series of articles to help geeks become a bit more fashionable. If you’re a fellow geek or nerd, why care about fashion anyways?
Women, duh.
Let’s face it, the standard work uniform of dockers and a freebie OSCON polo isn’t very attractive to women. 
Of course you’re probably thinking, “Women shouldn’t care about that kind of stuff! It’s so superficial! I’m a nerd and value intellect and creativity in women, so why can’t it be the same for their attraction to me?”
Truth be told, a quality woman does appreciate your intellect and creativity. However, you need to understand something about women that you (and even they) may not be aware of.
Women are extremely socially conscious and aware. For better or worse, our culture and mass media has hammered it over and over into women’s heads that they always need to look good, and they should always be striving to look better.
You see, women rate themselves on a “social value hierarchy” of sorts. Women unconsciously compete with other women for higher “social value,” and they have a good idea of where they stand when comparing themselves to other women. So, anything that makes them have more social value (i.e. more status in the eyes of other women) is something they want. And you can be sure that anything subtracting from their social value is bothering them, and they wish it would change.
This may not make logical sense to you, but what I’ve said is true regarding most women you’ll meet.
Disclaimer: Do not chat up women and accuse them of being superficial social value seekers — disaster will ensue. Most women aren’t consciously aware of this stuff and would deny it anyways. Consider it a secret that you’re being let in on.
Now, how does all this apply to the great nerd that is so worthy of a cool girlfriend, but can’t seem to attract one? We’ll get to that shortly, but let’s take a moment and talk about Natalie Portman. 
I knew you wouldn’t mind.
I think Natalie is great, as many nerds do. Smart, cute, fun… what’s not to like? But, I also think part of why we like her is we can see her appreciating and possibly dating a nerd. She’s not a “typical girl” — it’s unlikely she’s attracted to beefy moron guys who look pretty all day.
Okay, so Natalie Portman might date a nerd. Now, I want you to visualize something in your head. Picture a guy dressed in his pleated dockers and OSCON polo, and standing beside him, holding his hand, is Natalie Portman. They’re a couple. Picture it now.
Hmmmm… that does seem outside the realm of possibility, doesn’t it?
Now, imagine the same exact guy, still holding hands with Natalie Portman, but this time he’s dressed in clothes from Urban Outfitters.
Hmmmm… now we’re getting somewhere, aren’t we?
It’s the same exact guy (a ruby-hacking AJAX-luvin’ web nerd for all we care), but one picture seems outright ludicrous, while the other is at least possible.
The thing is, this visualization applies to almost all women you’re attracted to, not just our dear Natalie. If a woman were to date a guy who dresses poorly, it would substantially subtract from her social value. She might think he’s a great guy, but you can be sure she’s thinking, “If only he dressed a bit nicer…” But a guy who dresses smartly, that elevates her social value when she’s out in public: Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
By now you may be wondering, “What the hell does this Glenn guy know about women anyways? Why should I listen to what he says?” Well, I asked my friend Becca for her thoughts on this. Here’s what she has to say:
Unfortunately, however pathetic, superficial, and menial these comments and interpretations seem, they are true, if even on a subconscious level for ALL women.
However, most women when asked these questions, will deny them whole heartedly for fear that they will be viewed as material or judgmental. Most women do not realize the deep-rooted social brainwashing that occurs in them from the time that they are little girls.
I would like to suggest that by making efforts to dress in ways that women consider appropriate or even attractive, men will create a situation in which they may be appreciated for who they truly are. If a woman looks at a man and his appearance bothers her in any way, she will obsess (if even subconsciously) about his appearance, and neglect the amazing intellect or personality of the individual.
By working on appearance, men are actually allowing women to see a complete self, unmasked by the barriers of thoughtless clothing.
There you have it, in a much more lucid and succinct form than my ramblings. 
So you’ve got two options.
1. Continue to think, “Screw fashion — women shouldn’t care about that stuff but just like me for who I am.” AKA, stay in denial.
or
2. Accept the reality of the situation now that you have an understanding of it, and take some very basic and easy steps to improve your look. AKA, getting a girlfriend!
I hope you choose option two, because future articles are going to show you what to do, step-by-step. The subculture of geeks and nerds is filled with great guys who deserve cute, fun girlfriends — and not having simple fashion basics is a huge roadblock to that. The next article will cover the first and most important step. If you’ve got great clothes but don’t have this handled, you’ll simply look foolish. See you soon!
Thanks to: Becca, for candidly sharing her thoughts in a public forum. And my former employer, Apple, for all the free OS X shirts. 
I love the first pic! You are right on with the khakis and schwag-wear. I have a stack of microsoft/google/macromedia shirts in my closet. Now the only time those come out are when my girlfriend wants to borrow something to sleep in.
I apparently missed my brainwashing lessons. I couldn’t care less about fashion or my “social value”. As long as my clothes are clean, without holes, and cover what I need them to cover, I’m cool.
I can’t be the only woman offended by your broad, sweeping gender generalizations. Not all women are out there judging their neighbor’s wife because she doesn’t have a prada handbag. Perpetuating the stereotype of the superficial, socially-obsessed woman will not help in your quest for a girlfriend. Finding an intelligent woman with similarly geeky interests will.
Glenn, It turned out well! I’m glad I could help.
[...] I couldn’t resist posting this little piece of flamebait, sent in to us by Greg Cerveny: This is the first in a series of articles to help geeks become a bit more fashionable. If you’re a fellow geek or nerd, why care about fashion anyways? [...]
> I can’t be the only woman offended by your broad, sweeping gender generalizations.
Unfortunately, you’re probably not. Let’s just plop you in the “no sense of humor” category and move on.
Fashion, my favorite word. Although there are alot of misconceptions about being fashionable. I think I need to clear one of the major ones, expensive clothing and brand names have nothing to do with fashion. Fashion is the ability of the individual to create beauty. It is the freedom of wearing whatever you so desire that makes fashion what it is. Yes, the most important thing should be clean clothes and no holes. But, what if you could accent those beautiful green eyes by wearing a green top. Or those long legs with a short skirt.
I can tell alot about the person by the way they dress. It will be hard for me to trust a man who introduces himself in unclean shoes, a wrinkled shirt and bad breath. No matter what his talent is.
The importance of social value resides in individual’s self confidence. A man or woman with a strong self image will be as outstanding in a Designer label and a common name brand.
All women are lovely and beautiful. But as an individual I prefer a woman who uses fashion as a tool to accentuate her beauty.
I agree with Your viewpoint and thesis - and cencerning Jenna - there is a difference between a guy who is simply dressed up neatly and pleasantly, in ironed clothes, and a guy who wears overgrown t-shirts and slacks to all occassions. I perceived the article as not really “get the finest clothes and dress smart otherwise no woman will consider you”, but more “pal, take the effort to wear a new pair of jeans and a decent shirt if your’re out of home”.
I have seen a few geek friends who go to parties in worn-out t-shirts and sport slacks that look exactly like pijamas! When advised to at least opt for denim trousers and a ironed shirt they said “But then I’d have to change before the party, and that’s a bother”. Duh.
I never follow fashion blindly, but I always recommend the very minimum.
I wasn’t one for caring about what others thought about my attire when I went out. I loved representing myself as someone who was more technically intune when hitting up StarBu*ks or somewhere of the same type by pimping my M$ schwag. But now, when I said screw it and had a shopping spree at Express to buy some nice slacks, decent shirts, and a nice pair of Ecco’s…. I get not only noticed more, but complimented. Who would have thought
Oh yea, for the next article(s) my suggestions would be to throw in what kind of belts to wear! They make a huge impact for such a small investment!
Couldn’t agree more with you. You’re not necessarily saying that a guy has to dress in fancy labels, but rather take care of his appearance if he wants to attract others. It’s sad, but it’s true. I had to deal with a friend of mine who wouldn’t take care of her physical appearance and would sit there and moan about how guys never looked at her. I am a firm believer that had she just fixed herself up a little instead of wearing birkenstocks, hoodies, and jeans she probably could’ve attracted the guys “who always went for the other girls.”
Designing for that *Other* Interface…
I, like many of you, spend most days thinking about how to put forth the most professional and attractive experience possible in my software. I used to think that as long as I could create high-quality, professional-looking software with a……
Glenn,
First off, I really enjoyed the article (snazzy pics, too). But, as Jenna points out, you really do have some “broad, sweeping gender generalizations” here. However, that’s not to say that there isn’t any truth in those generalizations. For example, your comments regarding “social value hierarchy” and women comparing themselves to other women, does hold some truth in it. However, the truth that’s held within, IMO, applies equally to men. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the entire article stands as evidence that there’s at least one *particular* man who ranks himself according to a “social value hierarchy”
It’s ok, though, as plenty (most?) men and women are in the same boat.
Also, if it’s true that “most women aren’t consciously aware of [social value seeking]“, then why should the rest of us geeks pander to this subconscious, superficial quality? Isn’t that just asking for the situation to perpetuate itself? Personally, I think it is. However, I know many geeks in a desperate enough position to sell out their “ideals” just to land a girlfriend (hell, just to get some action). As long as it’s recognized for what it is, more power to them
John,
I agree that geeks submitting to a social value hierarchy against their ideals is sad, and simply continues extending that status quo. I would love to live in a time where the current hierarchy of mimicry and expectation could be reduced.
However, it stands to say that geeks who are aware of social value theory and do not take advantage of it are willingly (and perhaps ignorantly) limiting their chances. Sure, some of us get lucky and land that beautiful girl, or find the perfect women, but I wouldn’t venture to say that it is common.
The currently dominant social value hierarchy will remain in place for the majority of our lifetimes while continually evolving in new directions. In order to compete effectively within that hierarchy, everyone has to understand that some of their ideals are untenable.
What makes you think geeks dont have fashion sense? In this day and age you’re living in a world where the largest part of the population are at some extent daily using PC’s, Ipod’s, mPEG3’s etc.
How do you define the geek? Is the one that play games? I do, Im female, have a boyfriend and have a fashion sense, so does a lot of my friends..
Anyway, happy hunting
I prefer to live in denial
I dunno… you seem to make fashion choices (and this isn’t the first time I’ve seen it decreed as such) a large factor in attracting women. I don’t know, I’ve tried a lot of things fashion wise and found it to be of no effect at all. I’m pretty much: a nice ironed, collared-shirt ‘n’ slacks kinda guy. Not overweight, decent looking, and amiable… and all though my twenties, I’ve had a very, very hard time with women… and adjustments in fashion haven’t made much, if any, differnce. In fact, most of the young, attractive girls I see out there are with guys in tee-shits and jeans/cargos, which is the other route I typically go. Dunno… maybe I need a personal consultation… LOL.
Fashion is an individual’s mode of expression. If the individual feels comfortable in geeky clothes and is able to carry it off confidently, Iam sure there will be women who will be attracted. There are some people who have an inborn sense of style and there are some who develop it. If tomorrow nerdy clothes are in, Iam sure more than half the population will accept it as fashion. So what is out may be in too. As a woman, I prefer to get attracted to the personality than the clothing.
As a woman, I have to say that your assessment is unfortunate but true, for the majority of women. It really can’t be helped, guys - if only you could all walk around with signs saying “I have an IQ of 160, am a secret romantic, will watch Dark Angel with you, and really do think you’re prettier than Jessica Alba.” But no woman is psychic - and you can’t blame her if she doesn’t see all that past the tattered penguin on your t-shirt.
Buying a decent pair of jeans doesn’t make you a sellout. In fact, there’s the whole geek chic movement - hooray for argyle! I agree with Edyta - You don’t have to look like a frat boy, in fact I’d recommend against it (personal bias against that look), but women appreciate when a man takes some care with his appearance. It shows respect for her, tells her that she’s worth that extra ten minutes. Your chances of getting the girl to talk to you are improved, and then you can get on with impressing her with your big sexy brain. Mmm, brains.
You all would be swinging in these budclicks earbud accessories ! http://www.budclicks.com
BJ
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What you call “living in denial” has always worked out fine for me w.r.t. getting girlfriends. Or maybe that’s another way of saying that your generalizations aren’t as global as you claim. I’ve still not heard any nontrivial generalization about an entire sex that was globally true.
The key (as with anything) is to simply apply your strengths. If you try to pick up girls in locales where appearance is primary (nightclubs, maybe?), then fashion is going to be important, and so the Urbanoutfitters tip will probably help. That is, if you’re applying primarily your looks (and refuse to change this behavior), then you’d better *make* it a strength!
However, if you meet girls while, say, running a marathon, nobody is going to care that you’re not wearing a stylish evening jacket — you can sell yourself on other strengths. Rock musicians are the trashiest dressers in the world (I’ve seen better-dressed bums) but they have no problem getting girls; they ooze attitude and creativity, which completely overpowers their clothing choices.
The big difference between OS X guy, and Natalie and jacket guy, isn’t clothing. It’s confidence. Have Matthew McConaughey and the homeless guy on the corner swap clothes, and nobody would have any trouble recognizing the Sexiest Man Alive.
1) You, even as a geek, probably want an attractive girlfriend right? (Based on your personal criteria of course, some of which will - consciously or not - be physical.) And will you agree that you’d probably notice the same woman more if she was wearing something nice than if she was shuffling around in a hoodie and PJs. (College kids stereotype - but similar as we grow older.)
Wouldn’t it then make sense that something similar might hold true for women?
2) Shop at Urban Outfitters if you’re trying to fit in with the other followers by buying cheap imitations of what the interesting people were wearing months/years ago. (No offense Glenn. - It /is/ more generally acceptable than the oversized tee/khaki deal - which I too wore for a number of years.)
My recommendation is to find a couple small boutiques that cater to the general look you’re going for and make friends with the salespeople. They’re get to know you and what looks good on you. Run with it and pretty soon you’ll have a new set of clothes. You’ll be able to throw anything together mix-and-match and it’ll still look good because it’s with a certain look. (Think code libs, once you’ve built up your well though-out collection, they’ll work together with relative ease.)
3) As Gucci said, fashion is one thing, style is another. You can wear the latest trends, but still look tacky or you can buy some pieces from gap (or even sears) and pair them with other basic/inexpensive clothes and look really well put together. It’s having an eye - a personal sense of style. If that doesn’t come naturally to you - at least at first - see #2.
Oh, jeez - this brings up a lot. Here’s another point: 4) Dressing well is important careerwise as well. I don’t remember exactly who said it but “dress for the position you want, not the one you have.”
Cheers.
Hahahaha..so do i… Nice share. Thanks.. let’s be fashionable geeks..
[...] Don’t dress like a geek, even if you are one. It may be shocking to hear this, but women typically like men who look a little more put together than those who sport flood pants and Linux tees. [...]
dressing ‘respectably’ doesn’t mean that you’ll attract girls. you’ve gotta have the personality too. i mean, you can be a geek, dress pleasantly, look sorta cute and still score low on girls. you’ve gotta have a pleasant personality too. personally, i prefer geeky guys but some do disgust me not because of their looks but their ego, just because
they’re tech smart doesn’t mean they’re above everyone else.
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