Zan’s third DVD in his Enlightened Seduction series covers modern relationships. I must preface this by saying his ideas are radically different from mainstream views, and might offend some of you.

I think the best way to review the DVD is simply include some excerpts, and let you judge his views for yourself.

Zan on “What is love?”

If you’re in love, what is it that you’re in love with? Her, or the idea of her? Her goodness, or your perception of her goodness? Do you love her for her and all her beauty? Or do you love her because of what she does for you?

Zan’s Definition: Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right girl.

The problem is a feeling comes, and a feeling goes. We interpret the intensity of our feeling as the intensity of our love for her — how true it is.

Zan on validation

The better you get with women, the less you need validation for yourself as a man. The less you need women, the more women you will have. The better you get with women, the less you will feel the need to prove it to other guys.

Zan on finding happiness through women

The things you think you’ve always wanted, are not what you really wanted at all. The girl you think you want in your life, that will create happiness in you, is just a girl. I mean that in a good way. I mean that it isn’t fair to project that onto her — to demand of her that she makes you happy. It’s too much to ask of anyone. That’s why our relationships die right and left.

This has never been about women. It’s never been about other men. This has always been about rediscovering your soul, and regaining a former clarity. As you become more centered in yourself, you get a purpose in life that isn’t her. Slowly it begins to dawn on you that the answer you seek can never be found in a woman.

Zan on jealousy

My own personal view of jealously is this: if that beautiful, wonderful woman that I am with, who I say I respect and adore so much, ever meets a man that she would rather be with than me, then who am I to stop her? What right do I have to impede on her happiness? She is not my possession. She has the right to be happy in life, and if she would be happier with someone else, then she should be allowed that freedom.

That’s just a taste of what Zan talks about in this DVD. He goes into more depth on the topics of love, jealousy, and expounds at length on his “7 Stages of Modern Relationships.” I think the following sums up his view on why relationships fail:

Across all cultures, it’s known that love at first site is a natural human condition. By simply looking at someone for the first time, some feeling at the center of our being can be triggered. Every passionate relationship began passionately. The problem arises when we expect that feeling to last forever and build lifetimes around it.

I found this volume to be oustanding, and highly recommend it. The DVD is available for individual purchase or as a four-set from Zan’s Enlightened Seduction website.