Longtime UM reader and health afficianado Ben recently made a horrifying comment on my “liquor: what’s in, what’s out” post:

I have a flask as a groomsman’s gift, but am ashamed to say I’ve never used it. Does it make you look like a raging alcoholic if you have to carry around your booze?

Luckily, it didn’t take long for another treasured reader, Jillian, to pipe up with a suitable retort:

There is no shame in carrying a flask. If anyone has a problem with it or asks about it, just say it is the classier and cheaper way to go about.

Still, in an effort to squash any remaining doubts, here’s our list of suggested libations to keep your flask - and you - warmly buzzed on a variety of occasions:

MOVIE - Suggested flask-full: Flavored Vodka. (Stoli Vanil and Stoli Oranj are two great choices) 

The perfect mixer for your choice of concession purchased (or large jacket / purse) smuggled soft drink, flavored vodka also scores points for being almost odor free; a definite plus when nosy children are mucking about.

BUS / PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION - Suggested flask-full:  Scotch

No need to mess with the mixins and the fixins here.  Just head for the back seats, slouch low, and go.  Imagine yourself some tortured author of yesteryear traversing the country while scribbling the next great American novel in a tattered leather journal.  Except you don’t have syphallis.  I hope.

SHOPPING MALL - Suggested flask-full: Straight Vodka

Let’s face facts here.  It takes a strong man to endure the screaming kids, weary wives and general suburban insanity of the food court and its fluorescent lit ilk. 

It takes an even stronger booze to get him through it.

UPSCALE LOUNGE / BAR - Suggested flask-full: Flavored Vodka.

Similar concept to the movie theatre with one vital difference; your mixing will likely have to be done in the bathroom.  A tad gross?  Yes.  But then again so is paying $9 for a watered down Stoli V + Coke.

ART MUSEUM / BOTANIC GARDENS - Suggested flask-full: Red wine

Sure, both these places may have the occasional ‘wine and cheese’ party where vino would be sanctioned, even encouraged.  Well excuse me your royal heiness, I AM THE PARTY, and these grape stained teeth prove it.

DOWNTOWN STROLL / VISIT TO A TEE-TOTALLER FRIEND’S PLACE - Suggested flask-full: Pre-mixed Manhattan

Nod Glenn for this awesome idea.  Although truth be told, why he thought MY place would be dry is a great mystery indeed.  A premixed Manhattan in a flask says “I’m just classy enough to stay a sophisticated drunk”. 

FLIGHTS - Suggested flask-full: A paddle, to give those TSA knobs a spanking they won’t soon forget for vetoing flasks on aircraft.

You know what they haven’t vetoed?  3oz shooter bottles.  And plenty of em.  In fact, Greg did a whole post on this very topic. 

I’m sure I’ve missed some, so please, esteemed UM tipplers - chime in. 
The comments are all yours.